Bringing home the bacon
Saving your bacon
Before I get started I need to warn my vegetarian readers that I'm going to be mentioning bacon a lot in this post.
I like bacon and am familiar with the eating of it. Bacon joints, bacon burgers, lardons of bacon. All the bacon. I'm going to focus today though on the breakfast favourite, the rasher.
I live close to a convenience store so it was easy for me to walk over and buy a packet of eight (smoked) rashers. I strolled home with the bacon without incident. I wasn't accosted for the bacon, I didn't lose it or drop it down a storm drain or anything. I don't see what the fuss about bringing home the bacon is. Easy.
So, on to saving bacon. When I think of saving I think of my local branch of the world's biggest building society. I made my way there and joined the queue.
I reached the teller's window and exchanged pleasantries with the attentive employee. "I'd like to make a deposit please" I said, "Of course, sir" she replied. I slipped my bank book under the window (I'm a bit old-fashioned in the money department) shortly followed by the bacon.
There was a bit of a silence which was broken by the question "Do you want to pay some bacon into your account?" I said I did and although I realised that interest rates weren't very good at the moment, in three or four years I would probably have enough for an extra mouthful.
There was another silence and then the manager came and took me to her office and explained to me politely that it was the policy of the major financial institutions to only accept money on deposit, not pork products. She also explained that if I pulled a stunt like that again I would be doing my banking elsewhere. Suitably chastened, I left with my tail* between my legs.
I cheered up though in the knowledge that once again I was bringing home the bacon and once again managed that feat without incident.
I turned my attention to the saving of the bacon when I got back and felt I was only left with the bacon equivalent of hiding money under the mattress - the rashers were going in the fridge.
Over the next couple of days Mrs. MvC asked if I wanted bacon for breakfast and each time I replied that I was saving it. She soon got bored of this conversation and stopped asking after that.
So it was three weeks later when I went to retrieve the bacon for the making of a delicious sandwich that I found it was past its 'use by' date. I had to throw the bacon away. What a waste. What is the point of saving it? I should have eaten the bacon straight away.
Conclusion One: I strongly advise you to bring home the bacon. In no circumstances leave it outside or lose it.
Conclusion Two: Eat the bacon, don't save it. I can't stress that enough.
*This is a metaphorical tail. I don't possess an actual tail.
