Me versus Applecarts

Upset the applecart

Have you seen those adverts for cider when you're watching the television? A lot of them show the growing and picking of apples. It made me think. If I could get in on that then maybe I could fulfil my ambition of upsetting an applecart.

My ever-helpful farming friend Lawrie gave me the name of one of his chums who had a cider sideline so I headed to Herefordshire for apple-picking season.

I'm not convinced that my apple-picking colleagues had English as a first language, because training was fairly basic. It mostly consisted of someone pointing at apples and miming picking them up (you don't even pick them off a tree! A machine shakes them off!) and pointing to the 'applecart' and dropping them in.

The big disappointment was the applecart itself. I was expecting a big wooden job with long handles and artisan-crafted wheels. What I got was a sack on a metal frame. And they call it progress!

We filled the 'cart' in no time at all so it was time to upset it. I called it all sorts of names but there was no reaction. Not wholly unexpected due to the inanimate nature of the cart. It was time to get physical.

I gave the 'cart' a mighty shove and sent the apples everywhere. "Hey, take that applecart", I shouted. My colleagues, although they couldn't understand the words, seemed less than impressed with my actions.

The farmer explained later that as my picking colleagues were paid by the cart-load that was probably why they chased me round and round the farm and dragged me back to the orchard to put the apples back in.

Conclusion: Don't upset applecarts - it's just not worth it.